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Question:
Dear Slovie,
I need some advice in how to disipline my 20 month old son. This is my first child so I haven't had any experience with this. My son is a very sweet, laid back child. Lately he has been hitting and scratching my husband and I. He's not hitting out of anger, sometimes it may be out of frustration or sometimes as a playful thing (at least in his mind). We've tried reinforcing to him that we don't hurt mommy and daddy, and showing him how to make nice. This has not helped and we are at a loss of what to do. We have tried putting him into timeouts but I feel at this age he's not connecting the idea that he hit mommy and therefore has to sit in timeout. Also, when we put him in timeout he just gets up from where ever we sit him. The only way he would stay in time out would be if we put him into a place where he couldn't get out, but I don't feel comfortable with restraining him. How do we deal with this?
How do you disipline a child at this age?
Thanks in advance.
Dasi
Answer:
Dear Dasi,
You have made very valid points-the 20 month old is aware of his actions yet still too young for real time outs and consequences. He knows, though, that he is testing you and your husband. He also likes to observe reactions, such as your reactions to his behavior as well as what happens when he is sitting in his highchair and starts dropping food or squishing his macaroni.You need to show him that his hitting is wrong but you do not need to make a huge production about it, because then he will be getting more attention for his negative behavior. You can try a few actions and see what works best with your son's nature; sort of like a dr. trying a few different medications till he finds the right one. First, when he hits , look at him eye level and firmly say 'no! No hitting!". you then can either distract him to something else and hopefully he will become bored of the hitting and find a better activity that elicits a more positive and enjoyable response from you and your husband.if he still hits and you find this behavior increasing you can give him a time out but on his age level. Meaning you carry him away and say "No hitting!", sit him down for a few short minutes but do not leave.The time out means that he had to leave where he was and go to another place (that is not fun or filled with toys) because of his hitting. then say, now we can go back to play but no hitting!If he really continues to hit and you see the behavior increasing you can put him in his crib for a moment or two but not leave him alone in the room. say the same firm 'no hitting!" and then you can take him out. he will get the message. I do believe that once he begins to speak he will be communicating more and his hitting out of frustration will decrease . Try to detect any triggers to his hitting, keep a recored for yourself for a few days. You may gain insight, for example, maybe he is hitting when your husband returns from work and he is really trying to communicate is that he is missing him and needs to have more 'daddy time'. if this is the case, you know the solution. And you will find that his behavior changes as you hear his needs. That would really be the best way to find a solution. We often need to 'get into our child's mind' to see what it is that they are trying to tell us.
best,
slovie
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