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Category: Aggression
Question: Are you ever called upon to give advice to parents of teenage or young adult children? My brother (who has been raising his family in the Bobov tradition) is encountering some serious communication challenges with his 19 year old son and 21 year old daughter. Can you help?
Answer: You can call the hineni ofice at 212 496 1660 and ...
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Category: Tantrums
Question: Dear Slovie,
I have five daughter ages 9, 7, 5, 3, and 7 month old. My second daughter has had some problems since she was about 5. She was having very bad tantrums that would last over 2 hours for very silly reasons. Most of them were because of jealousy toward her older sister. For example, she did not like the tone of her sisters voice, or fights with her older sister, or something Mommy said that she didn't like. I attended a few parenting classes and tried to implement all they said, but the situation got worse. Then we went to see a frum therapist who had sessions with me and then my daughter. She told us that she is very rigid and overly sensitive. She gave me the book, "Explosive Children" to read and implement with her. I tried the book, it worked some of the time but because she was very young the solutions part was a bit difficult. We had to stop the therapist for monetary issues and baruch Hashem she started having less tantrums ( I also gave her fish oil which I heard helps) Around Rosh Hashana of last year, she said she wants to stop the crying and she really did. We hardly had any tantrums. For Pesach, we flew to my parents and I it was crazy with late nights and I don't know what happened all of a sudden when she went back to being like before. She has become even more aggressive. Every time something doesn’t' go her way she screams, cries, bangs her legs. She can go on forever... She keeps saying nobody likes her and everybody hurts her. Last night, she went in the back yard, saying I don’t want to see you (I had asked her to wait a few minutes till I could do homework with her again). She always also wants me to say "sorry" to her even if she had a fight with a sibling. And I have to tell her that I mean it and it has to be just the right tone of voice. I am really breaking from the pressure she puts on me with 4 other ones. I can't say "no" to her to tell her that what she said was not ok. By the way, when she is good, she is an angel. Always trying to help me and doing things for me. Please help me and if you have more questions please let me know. It breaks my heart to see her so sad all the time!
Thanks so much in advance for your time and effort in helping me.
Answer: you most definitely have your hands full and must ...
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Category: Challenges
Question: Hello! I leave in Brazil and my daughter is learning in beit chabad school. She is having problems with her mora. What can I do?
Answer: welcome to you all the way from Brazil! You did no...
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Category: Communication
Question: Dear Slovie,
I want to thank you so very much for bringing Torah to life for me at the CTN Women's Conference in Chicago. I connected to your teachings in deep ways...in ways that I haven't connected to Judaism in a long while, sadly. I thank you for igniting my neshuma once again.
Please G-d, my husband and I are in the process of trying to conceive our first child. While we have some good role models around us, we do not have consistent resources to turn to for parenting advice from a Torah perspective. When you spoke of the parenting classes that you teach in NY, I found myself wondering if you would ever considering offering parenting classes via telephone (i.e., a class where people from around the nation could phone in one night per week). Would you consider offering such a class?
With blessings that you should keep spreading the beauty of Torah, with the help of Hashem,
Michele
Answer: Dear Michele,
i was so glad to meet such wonderfu...
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Category: Communication
Question: Dear Slovie,
Yasher Koaich on all your incredible work. May HKBH continue to bless you that you should be matzliach in all your work.
I am interesting in mentoring Orthodox Jewish girls today who are somewhat modern. Any suggestions?
Thanks,
Answer: Thank you for your bracha! I would suggest to you ...
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Category: Communication
Question: first i want to say how happy i am to have met u. your book is amazing so far and i dont want it to end. you may think its a strange question but my 4 year old son always wants me to smile and i wish i can always have a smile on my face he becomes more esy going and the atmosphere in the house is more easy going. but i dont know how and i noticed and loved the way u were always smiling as u talked it never came off your face. i wish i can be like that just have a permanant smile. is that just natural or you have to work on it and if so how. can you pass to me your tools to always have a smile on my face it would help us so much. thanks and gd bless u!!!!
Answer: it is amazing for me to hear your question because...
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Category: Hitting
Question: Dear Slovie,
I need some advice in how to disipline my 20 month old son. This is my first child so I haven't had any experience with this. My son is a very sweet, laid back child. Lately he has been hitting and scratching my husband and I. He's not hitting out of anger, sometimes it may be out of frustration or sometimes as a playful thing (at least in his mind). We've tried reinforcing to him that we don't hurt mommy and daddy, and showing him how to make nice. This has not helped and we are at a loss of what to do. We have tried putting him into timeouts but I feel at this age he's not connecting the idea that he hit mommy and therefore has to sit in timeout. Also, when we put him in timeout he just gets up from where ever we sit him. The only way he would stay in time out would be if we put him into a place where he couldn't get out, but I don't feel comfortable with restraining him. How do we deal with this?
How do you disipline a child at this age?
Thanks in advance.
Dasi
Answer: Dear Dasi,
You have made very valid points-the 20...
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Category: Aggression
Question: How do we go about trying to book you for a speaking engagement for our organization...........we would love to have you come and have a date in mind..........may 1 2011!!!
Answer: thank you ! please email me your contact info and ...
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Category: Spirituality
Question: Dear Slovie,
My husband I have both read your book. Firstly, thank you for writing such a thoughtful, Torah-based approach to parenting that can reach so many people around the world.
We are a dati leumi couple in our 30's with a beautiful 9 month old girl, Tzofiah. We recently spent shabbat in the home of a chassidic family, and I noticed that they were washing netilat yadayim with their 12 month old, as well as saying shema and morning brochot with him. I understand the importance of chinuch early on but I was wondering if we're making a mistake by not already introducing these rituals and tefilot to our baby? Should I be washing her hands in the morning already??? Should I be saying shema with her at night??? Brochot in the morning???
Thank you,
-R
Answer: Dear R.,
It is wonderful to hear from you-a paren...
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Category: Challenges
Question: Dear Slovie,
Thanks so much for your inspiration. I could not be there at your randolph, nj lecture, but am catching up during weekly torah class and reading. I have an 8 year old, a daughter with mild special needs and related behavioral difficulties. Often she frustrates too quickly (i.e. asks "I need help" and starts yelling within a second without waiting for me to cross the floor to assist her) and also has difficulty in understanding her own tone of voice. She is fairly negative in her self-perception at times and will say rude and disrespectful things when she is suddenly overwhelmed. I tell her, this behavior does not become you, or that I can't understand her when she yells at me, and often I have to remove her to time-out until it is over and she can regain control. I do try to take the time each day for lots of hugs and kisses and expressions of empathy when she needs to discuss a hardship, like her difficulties in gym class, and I try hard not to lose my temper. It is VERY challenging. I feel that if I do not respond in w strong way (firm tone of voice, immed consequences - I do NOT hit and only did once when she was younger and ran into a parking lot - wasn't listening) but I am often tempted to lost it completely. How far should I be going to make it VERY and abundantly clear that it is never ok to be disrespectful, or use a poor tone of voice. Her mild special needs complicate this, but I do not want to expect less of her, as stretching her as much as possible makes it more likely that she may ultimately lead a normal life and have healthy social relationships.
I look forward to your advice. Thank you so much
Answer: I can understand how difficult this challenge must...
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